Saturday, March 05, 2005
Catching up with Family
I finally got through to my Nana out in Victoria, B.C. today. A few weeks ago, I heard through my sister and my aunt Cindy in Colorado that my grandfather had taken a fall on Valentine's day when leaving a restaurant. He fell and hit his head, which left him with a bad head injur. My grandfather is over 90, and has had several heart-related issues in the past. Needless to say, this has left him in the hospital since then, and apparently he has good days and bad.
My Nana said that she doesn't expect him to be able to come home, and that she is planning on moving into a smaller apartment near the nursing home where he ends up. She is quite a bit younger than he is. They have been together over 40 years and I am worried about her. She is going to be very lonely.
Growing up, I was much closer to my Nana than my Grandpa. She was always friendly, caring and loving to us, even though we were her "step" grandchildren. She married my grandpa after his first wife (my mom's mom) died young. In fact, my mom got married just before my grandpa got re-married. My mom had my older sister Dana in early 1962, then my Nana had my aunt Cindy at the end of 1962, and finally, I was born in late 1963.
The three of us did a lot together in our early years. Because we were so close in age, Dana and I would go to the cottage with my grandparents and Cindy regularly, and one summer, Dana and I got invited to drive down to Florida with them all. I still remember seeing the Blue Ridge Mountains with them. It was so beautiful.
Later on, I had similar interests to Cindy, so we spent two summers together at a Christian summer camp that was on a ranch in the Eastern Townships, south of Montreal. By then, my family had moved to Ontario, so we only got to see each other during summer vacations. That is probably one of the last times I got to spend any length of time with Cindy. The next year, they had decided to move to Florida, and so we didn't get to see them much after that.
We did spend one last Christmas with them, probably in 1977 or 1978, as I was about 14-15 years old. Unfortunately, my mom and my grandpa (her dad) had a huge fight on the day before Christmas eve, and my mom insisted we had to leave. Unfortunately, we couldn't get a flight back home until after Christmas and we had no money for a place to stay. That was one of the most bizarre Christmases we ever had. We ended up spending Christmas with the taxi driver who had picked us up at the airport. We stayed in his apartment, and then had Christmas dinner with his mother. They were very kind people, and he even brought us home a tiny real Christmas tree on Christmas eve so we could feel better.
Over the years, my mom made it up with her dad, and they visited us a few times. The problem seemed to be that my grandpa did not approve of the way my mother was living her life. As I got older, I just stayed out of it, and tried to keep in contact once or twice a year with my grandparents.
I know that my Nana thinks that I have not kept in contact enough -- and that has hurt them. Part of me thinks that they did not keep in touch with me much either - that is was kind of a recipricol agreement. It probably doesn't help much to say that I have kept my own immediate family (ie. sisters, mom) at arms length, because I don't feel like I trust them not to hurt me.
I guess the only thing I can say with true honesty is that I have had to focus on my own life, and my own kids, because of a survivor mentality. As an optimistic person, I try to look ahead at the wonderful possibilities, instead of dwelling on the past.
I realize now that I learned as a young child that it was safer keep people (especially family) at arms length, because I grew up in a house that was somewhat unstable. My mother was a passionate, born again Christian, who was out to save the world. She trusted in God to provide for us, but often we did not have food in the house, which made me start disbelieving in God by the time I was about 14.
The other thing I believe is that in this world, you can invent our own "family". Family are not just blood relatives, but can include those who are there for you on a regular basis, through good times and bad. Not only do I have many family members (blood relatives) here in Ottawa, I have a other "family" here -- people who are my closest friends.
Who are your family?
My Nana said that she doesn't expect him to be able to come home, and that she is planning on moving into a smaller apartment near the nursing home where he ends up. She is quite a bit younger than he is. They have been together over 40 years and I am worried about her. She is going to be very lonely.
Growing up, I was much closer to my Nana than my Grandpa. She was always friendly, caring and loving to us, even though we were her "step" grandchildren. She married my grandpa after his first wife (my mom's mom) died young. In fact, my mom got married just before my grandpa got re-married. My mom had my older sister Dana in early 1962, then my Nana had my aunt Cindy at the end of 1962, and finally, I was born in late 1963.
The three of us did a lot together in our early years. Because we were so close in age, Dana and I would go to the cottage with my grandparents and Cindy regularly, and one summer, Dana and I got invited to drive down to Florida with them all. I still remember seeing the Blue Ridge Mountains with them. It was so beautiful.
Later on, I had similar interests to Cindy, so we spent two summers together at a Christian summer camp that was on a ranch in the Eastern Townships, south of Montreal. By then, my family had moved to Ontario, so we only got to see each other during summer vacations. That is probably one of the last times I got to spend any length of time with Cindy. The next year, they had decided to move to Florida, and so we didn't get to see them much after that.
We did spend one last Christmas with them, probably in 1977 or 1978, as I was about 14-15 years old. Unfortunately, my mom and my grandpa (her dad) had a huge fight on the day before Christmas eve, and my mom insisted we had to leave. Unfortunately, we couldn't get a flight back home until after Christmas and we had no money for a place to stay. That was one of the most bizarre Christmases we ever had. We ended up spending Christmas with the taxi driver who had picked us up at the airport. We stayed in his apartment, and then had Christmas dinner with his mother. They were very kind people, and he even brought us home a tiny real Christmas tree on Christmas eve so we could feel better.
Over the years, my mom made it up with her dad, and they visited us a few times. The problem seemed to be that my grandpa did not approve of the way my mother was living her life. As I got older, I just stayed out of it, and tried to keep in contact once or twice a year with my grandparents.
I know that my Nana thinks that I have not kept in contact enough -- and that has hurt them. Part of me thinks that they did not keep in touch with me much either - that is was kind of a recipricol agreement. It probably doesn't help much to say that I have kept my own immediate family (ie. sisters, mom) at arms length, because I don't feel like I trust them not to hurt me.
I guess the only thing I can say with true honesty is that I have had to focus on my own life, and my own kids, because of a survivor mentality. As an optimistic person, I try to look ahead at the wonderful possibilities, instead of dwelling on the past.
I realize now that I learned as a young child that it was safer keep people (especially family) at arms length, because I grew up in a house that was somewhat unstable. My mother was a passionate, born again Christian, who was out to save the world. She trusted in God to provide for us, but often we did not have food in the house, which made me start disbelieving in God by the time I was about 14.
The other thing I believe is that in this world, you can invent our own "family". Family are not just blood relatives, but can include those who are there for you on a regular basis, through good times and bad. Not only do I have many family members (blood relatives) here in Ottawa, I have a other "family" here -- people who are my closest friends.
Who are your family?
