Saturday, January 15, 2005
Raising "Tranquil" Kids???
I have been wandering around blog-land looking for other moms with more than 3 children, blended families, etc.
Over at Catawampas, Kim has 5 kids, ages 5 mos - 18. She has an interesting post about giving medications or other substances to kids to keep them "calm".
I was saying that over the years, many of these types of suggestions have been made. I remember my MIL suggesting brandy to calm my first daughter was a teething infant. When another daughter was having panic attacks in grade 3, the principal said we needed to try medication. Eric's EX has had their son Oliver taking Ritalin for several years because he is "borderline ADD". (whatever that means) When he was living with us for a year, he didn't take any medication and did just fine... Even my good friend Ruth (who has no kids) is always suggesting that slipping Gravol into their food/drink to get them to go to bed earlier.
One of my thoughts was... is that the point? To raise our kids to be "no trouble" - to be numbed down so they don't make a fuss? Hmmm... I think I want my kids to know how to make a fuss. To be able to think, make their own decisions, to be responsible for their actions, to care about others, to take action about what they care about. How can they do this if they are drugged?
I wonder about this generation of people who are all either on Ritalin, anti-depressants or anxiety medication. (No offense if you or yours are on medication... two of my children have been on medication of sorts... sometimes it is absolutely needed in order to just cope) Apparently the numbers of people with severe anxiety or depression have sky-rocketed in recent years. Maybe life is so scary that the times call for some mind numbing substances.
On the other hand, I guess previous generations have always had their substances of choice, such as opium or gin. When I was a youth (in the 70's) we had marijuana, hash, beer and wine... more recently newer drugs are out there, but alcohol seems to be just as popular as ever. We have had to deal with (ie. talk to) our various youth about these topics.
Never wanting to be a hyprocrite (my #1 present for recent birthday and Christmas was red wine), we allow the kids to drink alcohol in our home under our supervision (ie. wine at dinner if they want to try it). We also have a "no smoking in the house" rule - - if anyone insists on any type of smoking, they must do it in the backyard... or maybe the garage if it's -40 out.
Our number one concern is that our kids are safe. We would rather have them experiment with stuff here than out on the streets. Not that we are handing out joints - we keep on talking about what is a balanced, reasonable recreational use of substances. (ie. when Amelia was smoking dope last year at lunch time at school, it was seriously affecting her afternoon school attendance- we negotiated with her and she agreed to stick to weekend use)
We try to be role models (ie.don't drink everynight) And we give honest feedback when they do something outright dumb. (ie. One time we had just opened a very large, ie. 2 litre - bottle of wine and had to go out - when we came back a little later, most of the bottle was gone - upon searching bedrooms we found that Amelia had poured it into a large pop bottle, planning on taking it to school the next day for a party at lunchtime - she thought we wouldn't notice! duh!)
Anyway... one of the workshops I went to a few years ago when I was a youth worker was a Red Cross course on dealing with emergencies at parties. It was directed to teens who have to deal with alcohol or drug overdoses. So I am able to use this knowledge to give my kids in case they or their friends ever need it.
More on teens having sex in future post.
Over at Catawampas, Kim has 5 kids, ages 5 mos - 18. She has an interesting post about giving medications or other substances to kids to keep them "calm".
I was saying that over the years, many of these types of suggestions have been made. I remember my MIL suggesting brandy to calm my first daughter was a teething infant. When another daughter was having panic attacks in grade 3, the principal said we needed to try medication. Eric's EX has had their son Oliver taking Ritalin for several years because he is "borderline ADD". (whatever that means) When he was living with us for a year, he didn't take any medication and did just fine... Even my good friend Ruth (who has no kids) is always suggesting that slipping Gravol into their food/drink to get them to go to bed earlier.
One of my thoughts was... is that the point? To raise our kids to be "no trouble" - to be numbed down so they don't make a fuss? Hmmm... I think I want my kids to know how to make a fuss. To be able to think, make their own decisions, to be responsible for their actions, to care about others, to take action about what they care about. How can they do this if they are drugged?
I wonder about this generation of people who are all either on Ritalin, anti-depressants or anxiety medication. (No offense if you or yours are on medication... two of my children have been on medication of sorts... sometimes it is absolutely needed in order to just cope) Apparently the numbers of people with severe anxiety or depression have sky-rocketed in recent years. Maybe life is so scary that the times call for some mind numbing substances.
On the other hand, I guess previous generations have always had their substances of choice, such as opium or gin. When I was a youth (in the 70's) we had marijuana, hash, beer and wine... more recently newer drugs are out there, but alcohol seems to be just as popular as ever. We have had to deal with (ie. talk to) our various youth about these topics.
Never wanting to be a hyprocrite (my #1 present for recent birthday and Christmas was red wine), we allow the kids to drink alcohol in our home under our supervision (ie. wine at dinner if they want to try it). We also have a "no smoking in the house" rule - - if anyone insists on any type of smoking, they must do it in the backyard... or maybe the garage if it's -40 out.
Our number one concern is that our kids are safe. We would rather have them experiment with stuff here than out on the streets. Not that we are handing out joints - we keep on talking about what is a balanced, reasonable recreational use of substances. (ie. when Amelia was smoking dope last year at lunch time at school, it was seriously affecting her afternoon school attendance- we negotiated with her and she agreed to stick to weekend use)
We try to be role models (ie.don't drink everynight) And we give honest feedback when they do something outright dumb. (ie. One time we had just opened a very large, ie. 2 litre - bottle of wine and had to go out - when we came back a little later, most of the bottle was gone - upon searching bedrooms we found that Amelia had poured it into a large pop bottle, planning on taking it to school the next day for a party at lunchtime - she thought we wouldn't notice! duh!)
Anyway... one of the workshops I went to a few years ago when I was a youth worker was a Red Cross course on dealing with emergencies at parties. It was directed to teens who have to deal with alcohol or drug overdoses. So I am able to use this knowledge to give my kids in case they or their friends ever need it.
More on teens having sex in future post.
