another lisa

Sarah S. at Poppins and Kim at Relaxed Homeskool, have both posted on interesting topics this week.

Kim wonders about whether labeling (or acknowledging) "learning differences" in our kids helps or hurts them in the long run. As I commented at her site, I think generally that it is important to know your children's strengths and weaknesses, and not be afraid to accept who they are. Rather than hoping the problems with go away, or that they will grow out of them, it is critical to face them head on. Otherwise, how can you help them to cope with the real world as they face it as young adults?

To me, part of this is just modeling to your children about being honest in self-evaluation. Of course, you wouldn't tell a 4 year old the same types of things as a teen - you need to tailor what you are saying to their stage of maturity at the time. I really believe we are not doing our kids any favour by ignoring their issues. Look at basic self-discipline...if you have a child who is hitting other kids in anger or frustration, you need to face it head on and tell them - under no terms is this acceptable. If you do this, X will happen.

Talking to your child about their problem areas is healthy. By giving them age appropriate feedback, they will learn how to cope. Sometimes I have called this "doing a reality check". For example, Sarah (now 19) was convinced she had veins on her face that made her ugly. She wore tons of makeup for the past couple of years to hide what she thought was horribly apparent to everyone, especially potential boys she might like. The thing is -- standing one foot away, you couldn't see these veins! During this time, I regularly talked to her about her perceptions, and how her OCD was making her see things that other people didn't see. I pointed out that she was using an ultra magnifying mirror to look at her face, which was not how people's eyes worked. We had many conversations about this, but she was convinced she had a problem. I was pretty angry when our family doctor (who I usually am very happy with), sent Sarah to a vein therapist for laser treatment on these veins. The bottom line was that she was over 18, so it was her decision to get this treatment. I told her that I did not agree with her doing it, but she decided to try it. She came back after the first treatment and as far as I could tell - there was no difference. But --- she believed it was improved --- so she was able to stop wearing makeup for the first time in years.

Sarah S. at Poppins discusses how homeschooling is like breastfeeding, in terms of how others (ie. family, friends, teachers, etc) can undermine your confidence in the parenting choices you make.

I struggle with these issues often, as I have had so many people, especially family members and my ex, make negative comments about parenting choices I have made over the years. Whether it was breastfeeding my preschoolers, letting them sleep in our bed, letting them stay home from school, or even, making the decision to work and then go back to school, I have been criticized.

I actually tend to discount what most people say, especially those people who either don't have any children, or have young children, because they simply don't know what they are talking about as they haven't had to face the types of issues that I have had to face, for example, with children who have panic attacks and severe OCD symptoms. For that matter, raising teens successfully is no easy job... and I am proud of how my kids have "turned out" so far. Dorothy, Sarah and Zoe are amazing young persons, and although they have their "quirks" so do we all.