Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Oliver is coming for Christmas! (we think)
Oliver is my 13 year old stepson who has been living in BC with his mom. About 2 1/2 years ago, his mom decided to move to BC. She assumed that her three children would want to move with her. They did not. The older two girls, teens, just said NO WAY! The youngest, Oliver, was 10 at the time, and once he said he didn't want to go, his mother went to court to get permission to take him. In the end, it was up to him to decide, and under intense pressure, he decided to try BC for a year. Since then, it has been hell arranging for access visits, because of the expense and because his mother is a very difficult person. Every time a visit is to be arranged we go through several months of manipulative games.
This time, in early November, I contacted her and asked what dates would work this year (specifically, when are his school holidays). She told some dates, which I later found out were incorrect. I contacted his school directly, and they informed me that he had three weeks off school. Then I contacted her again, with a proposed set of dates. She stated she didn't like our dates, as she didn't want Oliver to miss a school play on the last day of school, and she wanted him back for a full week before school started so he could "settle back into a routine".
Now, we were pretty angry - as we spent about $10,000 getting lawyers involved to iron out this kind of stuff. We are supposed to have Oliver for half of all summer vacations, and for a minimum of two weeks at Christmas (based on the fact that he gets three weeks at Christmas and two weeks at March break, and we can't afford to bring him in March). So, she was basically trying to get us to bring him across the country for about 9 days... and remember, two of those days are taken up in travel!
Anyway, we said "UNACCEPTABLE" and told her that if he couldn't make it for Christmas for a minimum of two weeks, he would have to wait for another time when he is available. Meanwhile, she told him that we didn't want to have him for Christmas. So then, we talked to him directly and explained the problem to him - that his mother would not let him come for two weeks.
The next weekend, we called him back and said - so what's the decision? He mumbled that he didn't know. Plan B. We got his sister Amelia to call him and beg him to come. Amelia lives with us full time, and their sister Elizabeth will be with us for Christmas Eve and Day.
By the third weekend, we got a nasty email from their mom saying she had reconsidered her decision and that Oliver would be available to come. Hurray!
So we spent almost $1000 buying him his tickets...she had better put him on the plane.
This time, in early November, I contacted her and asked what dates would work this year (specifically, when are his school holidays). She told some dates, which I later found out were incorrect. I contacted his school directly, and they informed me that he had three weeks off school. Then I contacted her again, with a proposed set of dates. She stated she didn't like our dates, as she didn't want Oliver to miss a school play on the last day of school, and she wanted him back for a full week before school started so he could "settle back into a routine".
Now, we were pretty angry - as we spent about $10,000 getting lawyers involved to iron out this kind of stuff. We are supposed to have Oliver for half of all summer vacations, and for a minimum of two weeks at Christmas (based on the fact that he gets three weeks at Christmas and two weeks at March break, and we can't afford to bring him in March). So, she was basically trying to get us to bring him across the country for about 9 days... and remember, two of those days are taken up in travel!
Anyway, we said "UNACCEPTABLE" and told her that if he couldn't make it for Christmas for a minimum of two weeks, he would have to wait for another time when he is available. Meanwhile, she told him that we didn't want to have him for Christmas. So then, we talked to him directly and explained the problem to him - that his mother would not let him come for two weeks.
The next weekend, we called him back and said - so what's the decision? He mumbled that he didn't know. Plan B. We got his sister Amelia to call him and beg him to come. Amelia lives with us full time, and their sister Elizabeth will be with us for Christmas Eve and Day.
By the third weekend, we got a nasty email from their mom saying she had reconsidered her decision and that Oliver would be available to come. Hurray!
So we spent almost $1000 buying him his tickets...she had better put him on the plane.
