Sunday, August 21, 2005
Pink Luggage
Driving home from the airport early this morning, it started pouring. Five minutes earlier the sun had risen in a blaze of glory - it looked like it would be a wonderful day. (And now it is just gorgeous out). I think the weather was reflecting how I was feeling. On the one hand, I am so happy that Sarah has finally left, on her way to a potentially amazing experience across the world. This type of thing is exactly what I wanted her to do, and yet, now that she is on the plane, fear has filled my heart.
For the first time, I think I can begin to understand when my friend Lea said goodbye to her son who was heading off to basic training in the US army. I know, going to teach English in China is not the same thing... certainly not as potentially dangerous as being sent to Iraq or Afghanistan.
But sending your child into the world on a "character building" adventure is very frightening in today's world of plane crashes, terrorists, human rights violations, slave traders, muggers and rapists.
Over the past week I have tried to remind Sarah of the potential problems and dangers she might come up against, including finding birth control (should she ever need it) and a reminder that some countries have the death penalty for drug importation (not that she uses or is involved in drugs). I am just scared to death for her health, safety and well-being, but I have tried to stay calm and supportive in hopes that my anxieties don't rub off on her.
I am normally an incredible optimist. Actually, I know that Sarah is too. One time I was reading a book called "Learned Optimism", in hopes of finding out ways to help my other kids look at life with more hope. This book had a test for kids to see their optimism level. I got Sarah to take the test, sort of my "control group". As I suspected, she had very high scores in the measurement of her positive thinking. This didn't surprise me in the least, because as a young child, Sarah was always the most happy, sparkling, sweet, friendly, "nothing can go wrong" kid. She still does go around singing most of the time. Yes, she suffers from some anxiety and mild depression occasionally, but she can snap herself out of it.
This is one of the things I was thinking about this morning. The one child that I have that is somewhat like me has left. I am surrounded by so many introverted pessimists in our house that it can be difficult. Sometimes I feel like that battery of positive energy that others here need and it is exhausting at times.
Of course, I was also thinking about how time is passing by. I realize that although I am "young at heart", I am actually "old" in their eyes, certainly approaching middle age. Am I happy with what I am doing with my own life? Pretty much. But I still wish I was on that plane with Sarah, helping her to settle into her new life, like my friends who are taking their kids to residence in a new city next week.
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I can't imagine how hard that must be for you, but she truly is the perfect one to go "globetrotting", friendly, upbeat, the kind of kid who'll really make a difference both in her own life and in the lives of those she touches.
Dont worry about a thing - your daughter will be either in a classroom or sitting at home preparing lessons. She'll be fine.
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